Thoughts Of A Mom

19/Jan/2009

This weekend, I bought a single mattress for my little one. It was because I’ve finally accepted the fact that she has grown up to a 4 yr old and no longer a little baby. I feel so sad like I lost my baby yet I’m so proud that she’s grown tall!

She was so very excited when she saw the new mattress. She has been sleeping in her baby bed on the floor right beside me for over a year now, For the past 3 months plus/minus a month her legs has been almost hanging over. Friday night she said she wanted to sleep on her own mattress by herself in her own room! It made me so proud and broke my heart at the same time! And ever since Friday night she’s has ‘abandoned’ my side and has been sleeping on her own in her room on her new mattress. While I’ve been getting very little sleep! (Waking up at every little sound, creeping into her room to check on her).

I’m so mixed up. You see, on one hand, I am so proud of her for being so independent and on the other, I try not to cry as I miss my baby girl so very much. I suppose I will have to adjust to this, as sooner or later she’ll start pushing further and further out of my protective arms. Soon she will be too embarrassed to be carried or cuddle by me and I dread that day.

On Sunday in while I was shopping with her for toiletries, she just suddenly hugged me and said “I love you Mama” and thinking of it today, I get so choked up. My little princess is a very loving caring person and I am so proud of her. She does many little things when you least expect it that shows what a great big heart she has in that tiny body of hers. I’m not saying she’s an angel ! Very far from it actually! She’s very prone to her tantrums, her kicking, sulking, whining, etc, but it never last long.

I feel terrible thinking about how sometimes I get so irritated with her for being naughty especially the times when I come home late from work and still has to fix dinner, and chores are yet to be settled and she gets naughty. Those times I scold her and punish her so quickly that may be she didn’t really deserve the punishment for the minor mischief she’s done? I am sorry for all those times I scolded her so soundly that it made her cry.

I just hope that she becomes a better person then I am and I hope she knows that I love her so much and that I cannot imagine what a bleak & empty place my life would be if she had never been born to me!

And if I forget to tell her today, I better mark it down now,… “Baby, Mama loves you so so so so very much, forever and ever, no matter what.”

Love Forever,
Mama.