Living with asthma.

               My nose totally can't be used for breathing last night nor this morning, been breathing through my mouth! Been coughing so much it is making my chest hurt each time I  cough. Can hear mild wheezing with each deep breath I take!

This is the time when I really wish I had my mummy here to "manjakan" me like she used too when I was very young and got the flu, cough and asthma.

Come to think of it, Aunty May (this special lady looked after me and my siblings from the time we were very small right up to now! She's 90 yrs old now) used to manjakan me too when I was sick. I remember she used to buy for me warm coca-cola and let me drink while I lay in bed, struggling to breath and my sister and brother would play near by.

It never bothered me that they enjoyed playing while I was sick, It was entertaining just watching them. I remember I would watch them when I was awake and it was enough, then I'd just close my eyes as it was every tiring just being awake. I do remember thinking all my wheezing noises would keep the whole house from sleeping at night and felt very bad about it. The wheezing noise I made whenever I took a breath was very loud. My younger brother (he was like 5yrs old then) used to say I got music inside!

I had very bad asthma attacks from a very young age. My 1st memories of being sick was even before I was in school. It was around Christmas time, We lived in 'Kampung Pasir' (the direct English translation for that would be "Village Sand" ) then, I remember this Uncle Jack from the Portuguese settlement in Malacca came to Visit and he loved kids and was very good with kids and we kids loved him! He bought Ice cream for all the kids, but I was stuck in bed, too weak to get out and play, because of asthma, and since I couldn't eat ice cream, he brought for me a balloon and I was happy with that. I remember clearly the noise the kids were making when they played outside the fun they had and all I did was lie in bed propped up with tons of pillows and cushions to keep me in a slightly sitting position (I can't be flat on my back as it was very difficult to breath) and sleep, too weak to even want to go play and join in the fun.

I can remember my mom checking on me, she used to run her hand over my forehead to check for fever and then she'll rub my chest and back with 'vicks vapor rub' this always made me feel so good. Nowadays I do this for my daughter when ever she gets sick. I also remember My dear Aunty May doing this for me too every time I was sick when my mom wasn't around. Aunty May would sit by my side once her work was done and pat me to sleep, even though I was by then about 8 years old or even 9yrs old.

One incident I won't be forgetting, happened when I was 16yrs old. I got sick and it developed into a bad asthma attack. It got so bad we had to get my cousin James to take me to the doctor as he was the only one we knew who had a car then. It was so difficult as we had to walk along the railway track for about 100 meters to the car and I had my sister on one side, my brother on another side and I was so weak that I practically fainted on the track. My brother had to run to my cousin's house to get help to carry me. It took 4 of them my cousins James and Sylvester, my brother and my sister to help me up and walk to the car. I bet they wouldn't have forgotten that either!

In adulthood the attacks has been more manageable as I am stronger and know what to do. I still get very weak, very very tired as when my lungs swell (as in the case of an asthma attack), I get less air in. I take precautions now and will get myself to a doctor before it gets worse.

Being an adult though, means there is no one to give me the cuddles, pats  back rubs and chest rubs like the ones I got when I was little.

Now I'm sick again and looks like another bad one coming on (hopefully it's not that bad) but being here alone with a child to take care of as well as work to do, I terribly miss my mummy caring for me, and even though Aunty May is still around she's very old now and she's occupied with "manja ing" our kids.

And so I've come to the end of my reminiscing.