I received this in an email today and found it so funny! I have no idea if it is really in a book somewhere and if it was really heard in court but,..... some things really needs to be shared like humour.
Happy reading!
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and
are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of
staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________ _________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________ _________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
____________ _________ _________ _______
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________ _________ _________ _______
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo
____________ _________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________ _________ _________ ______
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year- old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding' me?
____________ _________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting' laid!
____________ _________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________ _________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
____________ _________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
____________ _________ _________ _______
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice, which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____________ ________ ______ ____________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
____________ _________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
____________ _________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm .
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
____________ _________ _________ ________
And the best for last:
____________ _________ _________ _______
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Single parent in Malaysia
About Me
- A.Parent
- Negeri Sembilan, Malaysia
- I'm a simple parent, living a real everyday life.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Living thru our kids.
My friend was just telling me today that her mom will be going on a holiday again, she just got back from a trip to Phuket.
Thinking about her mom having it much easier now after years for struggling on her own (a widow of 18years with 7 kids to raise alone!).
I suppose it was way tougher then compared to life nowadays. Being a Single Parent i tend to sympathise with all single parents no matter if they had a tough life or an easy one i feel it may just seem easy to the untrained eye.
Like for me, I get by day to day, after some time things just becomes a routine and somehow you kind of get used to it. But still you are lonely, tired, many times discouraged and desparate fo get to thru to the next month.
Anyway back to what i was thinking about initially, I just hope that when my daughter is an adult she too will tell me "Mama, why don't you go for a holiday? all expenses paid for of cause!" Wow wouldn't that be nice!
But then again it's never wise to hope and think that one day your kids will do this or that for you.
I was raised by a single mother too. No matter how much I as her daughter wanted to make her life easier, by buying a house for her, working and having enough money so she wil never have to work a day in her life again, sending her on a holiday to Australia,etc,... it never happened.
So What my mom may have hope for from us her kids, i'm very sure it never materialised.
I too must not hope on my daughter because to do so would just bring disappointment later on.
As parents we tend to put alot of our dreams on to our children. Dreams of our kids loving us so much, dreams of them doing so well, dreams of them so sucessful in life that it's just automatically assumed that in our our old age, they will look after us.
We are parents, it is not our right to ask to be taken care of when we are old it is our duty to take care of our children. It is a rare priviledge that our kids would want to and are able to care for us when the time comes.
I'm sure many of you would disagree with what i've said but this is my opinion.
Only very fortunate and blessed parents who have kids that will watch over them and care for them in thier old age.
They are very very blessed when their kids are able and willing to do so. We cannot fault them if they are willing but are unable to afford to look after us.
So we as old parents of the future, what are we to do when the time comes?
And that is my reflection for today.
Thinking about her mom having it much easier now after years for struggling on her own (a widow of 18years with 7 kids to raise alone!).
I suppose it was way tougher then compared to life nowadays. Being a Single Parent i tend to sympathise with all single parents no matter if they had a tough life or an easy one i feel it may just seem easy to the untrained eye.
Like for me, I get by day to day, after some time things just becomes a routine and somehow you kind of get used to it. But still you are lonely, tired, many times discouraged and desparate fo get to thru to the next month.
Anyway back to what i was thinking about initially, I just hope that when my daughter is an adult she too will tell me "Mama, why don't you go for a holiday? all expenses paid for of cause!" Wow wouldn't that be nice!
But then again it's never wise to hope and think that one day your kids will do this or that for you.
I was raised by a single mother too. No matter how much I as her daughter wanted to make her life easier, by buying a house for her, working and having enough money so she wil never have to work a day in her life again, sending her on a holiday to Australia,etc,... it never happened.
So What my mom may have hope for from us her kids, i'm very sure it never materialised.
I too must not hope on my daughter because to do so would just bring disappointment later on.
As parents we tend to put alot of our dreams on to our children. Dreams of our kids loving us so much, dreams of them doing so well, dreams of them so sucessful in life that it's just automatically assumed that in our our old age, they will look after us.
We are parents, it is not our right to ask to be taken care of when we are old it is our duty to take care of our children. It is a rare priviledge that our kids would want to and are able to care for us when the time comes.
I'm sure many of you would disagree with what i've said but this is my opinion.
Only very fortunate and blessed parents who have kids that will watch over them and care for them in thier old age.
They are very very blessed when their kids are able and willing to do so. We cannot fault them if they are willing but are unable to afford to look after us.
So we as old parents of the future, what are we to do when the time comes?
And that is my reflection for today.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Why are you so scared, Mr Government Sir?
Today I was reading about some HINDRAF people who were arrested when they were trying to hand in a certain memorandum to the Prime Minsister at his office.
"Twelve people, including a six-year-old child, representing the banned Hindu Rights Action Force (Hindraf) on Thursday" (The Star). Why were they arrested? Their reason would be because they were declared illegal.
Utter nonsense!!!.
If I was arrested under ISA, i am very sure my 4 year old daughter , sister, brother, aunty, uncle, father, grand father, cousin, friend, lover, etc will do what ever they can to try to get them to release me. Just because they love me!
At 1st they will try the police, when that fails, they will try the Prime Minster as he is the only one with the power to make a decision.
Now how to get to the Prime Minster? May be go to his office and present him with a card? When that fails may be go the open house for Raya to present him with another card and hopefully during the shawal month of celebration he will consider his mistakes and find mercy in his heart and release me?
When that fails and my people are branded as irresponsible, nuisance, and trouble makers they were criticized for appearing in "bad taste" at that "Holy Event" (Raya Open House) they were admonished that they should have found a more appropreate place and time for these kind of things.
They will then listen to those critics with hope in their hearts thinking "OK they sadi find a suitable place and time" They think we are terrorist, lets bring less men to hand over our plea! We will look treating if all the men follow, better her daughter go how treatening can a child and women be?" So they went to the Prime Minster's Office on a working day to try to hand their plea and what happens????
They were all arrested! The situation is the same, Mr Government they are only trying their level best to get their loved one out! but you! You! Mr Government, you are so scared of them that you had to arrest them!
Is this fair i ask you Mr Government? You were elected by us the people to serve us the people not your selves! PLEASE REMEMBER WHO YOUR BOSS ACTUALLY IS!!!
We had a hand in putting you up there it is for you to work for us to listen to us!
I do not feel safe anymore . I do not feel this is Malaysia! Where and what has happen to Malaysia!?
I'm deeply ashamed of what has been happening in this country.
Remember dear MR Gorvernment remember you need to answer to us and most importantly, GOD is watching you!
May God watch over the innocents and defend them!
"Twelve people, including a six-year-old child, representing the banned Hindu Rights Action Force (Hindraf) on Thursday" (The Star). Why were they arrested? Their reason would be because they were declared illegal.
Utter nonsense!!!.
If I was arrested under ISA, i am very sure my 4 year old daughter , sister, brother, aunty, uncle, father, grand father, cousin, friend, lover, etc will do what ever they can to try to get them to release me. Just because they love me!
At 1st they will try the police, when that fails, they will try the Prime Minster as he is the only one with the power to make a decision.
Now how to get to the Prime Minster? May be go to his office and present him with a card? When that fails may be go the open house for Raya to present him with another card and hopefully during the shawal month of celebration he will consider his mistakes and find mercy in his heart and release me?
When that fails and my people are branded as irresponsible, nuisance, and trouble makers they were criticized for appearing in "bad taste" at that "Holy Event" (Raya Open House) they were admonished that they should have found a more appropreate place and time for these kind of things.
They will then listen to those critics with hope in their hearts thinking "OK they sadi find a suitable place and time" They think we are terrorist, lets bring less men to hand over our plea! We will look treating if all the men follow, better her daughter go how treatening can a child and women be?" So they went to the Prime Minster's Office on a working day to try to hand their plea and what happens????
They were all arrested! The situation is the same, Mr Government they are only trying their level best to get their loved one out! but you! You! Mr Government, you are so scared of them that you had to arrest them!
Is this fair i ask you Mr Government? You were elected by us the people to serve us the people not your selves! PLEASE REMEMBER WHO YOUR BOSS ACTUALLY IS!!!
We had a hand in putting you up there it is for you to work for us to listen to us!
I do not feel safe anymore . I do not feel this is Malaysia! Where and what has happen to Malaysia!?
I'm deeply ashamed of what has been happening in this country.
Remember dear MR Gorvernment remember you need to answer to us and most importantly, GOD is watching you!
May God watch over the innocents and defend them!
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